Movie Discommendation: CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR (2016)

Starring: Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan
Directed by: Anthony Russo & Joe Russo
Written by: Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely
Genre(s): Comic book, Action


No spoilers here!

“Movies that had stories, so you cared about whose ass it was and why it was farting…”
-Joe Bauers (as played by Luke Wilson, IDIOCRACY)

I’m sure when Mike Judge directed his satirical masterpiece, IDIOCRACY, back in 2006, he had no idea that someday it would be used in a review about an Avengers’ movie. Well, that day has come, my friends.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR was a two and half hour bore fest, stuffed with way too many long-winded scenes full of meaningless violence, just like the last two AVENGERS movies (released in 2012 and 2015).

I defined these scenes as meaningless for two reasons. First, when these superheroes fought each other… then fought again… then fought some more, we knew no one was going to get hurt. Where’s the suspense? Where’s the drama? Second, most of these fight scenes were inconsequential to the plot of the story, which ultimately makes or breaks a movie.

I’d preferred if this movie was edited down to under two hours. Perhaps a tighter story would have made us care more about these characters and why they were farting, I mean fighting. After sitting through what seemed like thousands of CGI animated whirly-kicks, flippity-dos and twister-jabbers, I looked at my watch and said to myself, “So what.”

From the digital perspective, this movie looked great, but it was absent of great or memorable scenes. I also would have preferred this movie to have been a smaller story like CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER (2014) which I thought was one of the better Marvel movies from the past decade, along with IRON MAN (2008).

Maybe I have too high of expectations, but unlike many other summer popcorn movies I’ve seen over the years, this one was not enjoyable, except for when scenes from IDIOCRACY popped into my head while I squirmed around my theater seat. I chuckled and said to myself, “So what.”

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